New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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