Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The maid of honor just puked.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
