oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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