and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
