We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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