So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wish there were birth control emojis
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
