at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
