I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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