Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
