Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
