just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
