he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
