I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
