i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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