I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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