one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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