You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
