I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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