Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
