I wish my penis had an off switch
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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