I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
