it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
