I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
