hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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