Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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