My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
