I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
