Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
