I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
