Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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