I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
