I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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