Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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