Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
