now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
