3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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