You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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