And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
