Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
