I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
