My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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