D3 body, D1 cock
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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