Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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