Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
