I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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