I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
