She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
