hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
