I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
