i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
