She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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